Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
