At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
