i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
