I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
