I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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