i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
