yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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