dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
