So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize