It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
