Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
