I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
