I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
