I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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