she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
