I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize