i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
