I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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