you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
