so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
