Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
