I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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