Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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