haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
