Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
