I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
