So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
