Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
