i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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