Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
