Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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