Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
