Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
