I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
