I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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