Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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