Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
