ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
