I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need a beard to bite.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
