No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
