I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
