Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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