I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
