She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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