he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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