I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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