Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm just crazy horny about you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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