Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
