last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I need to stop coming to work sober
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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