i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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