Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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