why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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