Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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