How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
