i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
