LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
