I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
