I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
