You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
