i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
