I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
