She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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