Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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