It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
