mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
