how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
