You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
