I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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