He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
