So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
