Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
