ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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