you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
