I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
