its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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