Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
