We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Even my vagina gasped.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
