Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
