so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
