Already got asked if we're dating
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
