Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
