curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
