I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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