Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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